Remembering Elliana: My Equal Opposite

Candace was my birthday present, Erin was my Father's Day gift, and Elliana was my equal opposite. Our birthdays are exactly six months apart. We used to play a game in which Elliana would ask me how old I would be when she was a certain age. I would always be forty-seven-and-a-half years older than she would be! 

Obviously, she and I were equally people and opposing genders, but she was large, and I was small. Plus, she moved slowly, and I was quick. Despite that, we were best friends from the start. If she saw me somewhere when she was a toddler, she wanted to hang out with me. That was almost always fine with me! Of course, that changed when friends started coming over, but all good things unfortunately come to an end.

Remembering Elliana: Christmas Shopping at The Dollar Store

It would have been the Christmas of 2008 when I had the idea to take Elliana to The Dollar Store so she could buy presents for people who were going to be giving her presents. Rose went with us to get some stocking stuffers for her kids, but I think she had some idea about what was going to happen and wanted to see it.

We grabbed a cart and headed off toward the gifts for her grandparents, her uncles, and her mom and dad. Rose headed off on her own. 

We grabbed some of the goodies at the entrance, and then headed off for the candles. Before we got there, though, we ran into some stuff that would go along with the candles and other gifts. This continued on after the candles. We headed for the keychains, but we stopped along the way to get some other stuff for some other friends. 

Remembering Elliana: The Transpro Picnic

I worked for a non-emergency medical transport company named Transpro for a few months in 2008 before departing for Northwest Transport. Candace would sometimes drop Elliana off at the shop while I was washing my van after my shift. 

One day, Elliana was rinsing the van off when another driver approached her. He offered her a dollar to turn the hose on me. Elliana looked at me in bewilderment. She wanted the dollar, but she didn't want to hurt her papa. When I told her to go for the dollar, she soaked me! I tried to get out of range, but the hoses were powerful. The driver gave her three dollars and all of his change for the impressive soaking my three-year-old granddaughter gave me!

Remembering Elliana: Her First Shots

Javier called me somewhat in a panic. Elliana had been crying incessantly since she had her shots earlier in the day, and he could not figure out what the problem was. He had tried feeding her. Her diaper didn't need changing. She was uncomfortable and crying.

This was a job for Papa, so I headed over to see what I could do. Sure enough, she was crying uncomfortably when I got there.

Remembering Elliana: Elliana’s First Mariners Game

I was eleven when we went to San Diego to visit my uncle and his family. It was there that I saw my first major league baseball game. The Padres were playing the Giants. Juan Marichal pitched, Willie Mays was in center, and Willie McCovey was at first! All of these superstars were amongst the greatest players of the day!

Jump forward forty years to 2009. The Mariners had a new GM and a new manager. They also had an old, familiar face as that was the year Ken Griffey Jr. rejoined the team with which he began his illustrious career. He no longer played center field, but was primarily the designated hitter. He had struggled with the bat that season, so it was thought that he would retire that year.

I wanted my then four year old granddaughter, Elliana, to be able to say she saw him play, so she, Papa Mike, and I made our way north to see the final game of the season against the Texas Rangers.

Remembering Elliana: Blowing Bubbles

Note: This was written by me on July 28, 2009. That date has no significance to the reader. It has significance to me, because it means that I was inspired to write about this actual event, on Elliana's fourth birthday.

I only remember that when I open it to read it. It seems dust gets in my eyes when I do that, too.

I hope you enjoy it.

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Remembering Elliana: The Rules to Taggeret (Video Reading Included)

The most popular post of 2023.
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Elliana has several cultures in her genetic makeup. Her father has indigenous and Mexican blood on his side of the family. 

Elliana spent a lot of time with him at his father's home when she was young. 

I picked her up one day from Papa Ed's place. She told me that she and her young uncles and cousins played a game called taggeret. They had been playing it for a while. 

This was the first time I had heard of the game. She could explain it to me since she was just learning to speak. I asked her how the game was played. 

Remembering Elliana: Soaking Papa at Work

The final part of the day of work at Transpro was washing and putting away the van. Candace arrived while I was washing the van one sunny day, so I had Elliana, who was three years old, rinse the van while I finished washing it. 

Another driver walked up and decided to have some fun with the situation. He told Elliana that he would give her a dollar if she sprayed me with the hose. She looked at me a bit bewildered. She loves her papa, but a dollar is a dollar.

Topping Her Dad at Something

I was greeted at the door by my youngest granddaughter.

"Hi Papa. Merry Christmas and welcome," she said. 

It was not her normal greeting. She was excited because Christmas Eve is when her father's family gathers at her home to exchange Christmas gifts. I was there for the food and the cookies, and to see the grandkids before they got started.

The cousins had not yet arrived. Her mom and dad were getting things ready for the evening. She was all mine to talk to and play with for a while.

A Surprise at Breakfast

It is not unusual for me to gather my family for a weekend breakfast. This particular day was a Sunday at Bar Bistro.

I started out with my usual Bloody Meal, which is a Bloody Mary topped with toast, a hard-boiled egg, a couple slices of bacon, and some other goodies skewered on a couple of toothpicks so they don’t get into the drink. Elliana and Gemma like to take those things apart to munch on until our breakfasts arrive.

The Love of Doja

I heard a quotation that everyone believes that they have the best dog in the world, and none of them are wrong. 

I don't personally have a dog right now, but I do have five grandpuppies that I love for the love they give me. 

The oldest is Sophie. I went in halves on her with my ex-wife as a Christmas gift for Elliana in 2011. Sophie is a Yorkie mix who loves us all but would bark at us if we dared to hug HER Elliana! 

Though Sophie was Elliana's dog, she has lived her life with Elliana's grandmother. She is old now, and I rarely see her. I was teased when Laura and I bought her that I just paid half for my ex-wife's dog. That is essentially what happened.

I Met a Man Named John (Newsletter published January 1999)

I have been going through boxes and stored items so that I can get rid of things that I've saved over the years that I will never need. One of the benefits of doing this is that I am also finding things that I've saved because I wanted to keep them, like old Newsletter publications in which I wrote articles about things other than industry topics and our company's services. 

Several of the articles had to do with my life as a single, custodial father of two daughters. This particular article got more positive comments when I wrote it than any other article I wrote for the Newsletter. With that introduction, here is "I Met a Man Named John," which is most likely slightly edited because I don't have to make it fit and also because I'm anal like that. 

(The thing that seems most funny in rewriting this article is that I am now about the age of the "elderly, well-dressed Black man." As I look back on things, I seem to have learned a lesson from my encounter with the man who had the riches that money cannot buy.)

Pleasure (Video Reading Included)

Originally written November 8, 2007.

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With love from her deep brown eyes more piercing than Cupid’s arrows, she comfortably positions herself in my lap for the third time today. No wiggling and jiggling, she desires beast again.

A New Day Dawns

It is about ten minutes to two in the morning. I have had a bit over five hours of continuous sleep and feel rested now. 

I think the thing I like best about retirement is that I can sleep when I am tired. I am not a person who is devoted to routines. I think of my daily chores and desires as processes. I believe major projects should be broken down into minor tasks. If you accomplish a task or two toward completing the project, you've gotten closer to your objective without burning yourself out.

This is especially important for people who display a lot of empathy. Empaths are easy to take advantage of, and, because of their caring second nature, they have difficulty expressing their own feelings, if it is at the expense of hurting someone else's feelings.

Remembering Elliana: Elliana Tapia (2005-2023)

With tremendous sadness, the family of Elliana Tapia announces that she passed away on July 18, 2023.

Elliana was born on July 28, 2005. She was the first child for both of her parents. She was the first grandchild of some of her grandparents. She made her mother’s sister an Auntie for the first time.

We all loved and adored her antics and her huge personality. She was creative and artistic. She loved music, makeup, animals, the ocean, the mountains, cooking, and hanging out with her friends. She was beautiful, loving, and full of wonder and mischief! We could not imagine life without her!

Remembering Elliana: Thinking About the Day She Died

As I try to reconcile my granddaughter's death on July 18th, the relationship to so many things come to mind as I think about the things we did and said on the day she died.

Her birthday and mine are exactly six months apart. She liked to ask me how old I would be when she turned a certain age. She would have turned eighteen years old ten days after she died. I will likely be sixty-five-and-a-half years old that day. 

Candace, Erin, and Elliana were all told as small children that I would be their best friend until they found best friends their ages. Candace and Erin found their best friends in elementary school. Elliana loved hanging out with me well into her teen years. She was my travel buddy, she was my biker babe, she was my best friend, and she was my equal-opposite.

My Deal with Elliana

Elliana made a comment about wishing she had packed differently in case she went to inpatient treatment. I spent as much time as I could letting her know that I love that change in her attitude. As we talked more about it, she feels that she has nothing but clothes that are hers. She also said that she knows that when she completes treatment, she will just be handed around to anybody who will take her until she is old enough to dump on the streets.

That is some tremendous weight to carry. However, it is a weight that she carries because of her behavior.

How Elliana and I Got Where We Are Through OUR Bad Decisions

Most of her things had already been packed when she awoke yesterday. Unlike the days leading up to yesterday, we would be packing Elliana's everyday items on her final day with me. She had a place to go, but I felt there was little chance that it would work out for long. The last time she tried to be with her grandmother, it lasted four days and ended up with Elliana moving in with me as a last resort.

Bryan had been so much more than fair when he allowed me to take care of her despite there really being no room for her at home. 

My Baby is Out of Time

Even though my love for each of my children and grandchildren is equal, my devotion to Elliana over her seventeen years has exceeded what I have done for the others. We had an instant connection. When she got her shots as a baby, I got a call from her dad saying she wouldn't quit crying. He had checked her diaper and tried to give her a bottle. I told him I'd be right over. I took her and just held her. For a couple of hours, I just held her so that she would sleep peacefully while her dad and I talked about trying to sense her needs rather than trying to guess what is wrong. In this case, just holding her worked.

I was her favorite person in the world when she was a baby. People had already started gathering at her first birthday party by the time I arrived. Once Elliana saw me, she put her arms out to let me know that it was time to hold her. If someone else wanted to hold her after that, she would let them for a minute or two before letting me know that she wanted to be with me again. As I said, there was a connection between us that I never felt with anyone else. 

Giving Up My Favorite Prejudice Ever

Sometimes the most difficult thing about accepting truth is that it comes at the expense of some of our favorite prejudices. A prejudice I once held was that anything that was broken could be fixed. Though I still believe that broken things can be fixed, the truth is that some things that are broken are not worth fixing. I have written about my mom holding onto a broken coffee maker just in case someone in the family would rather fix a ten-year-old coffee machine than spend $20 for a new one. It became garbage on the day it quit working, and it was thrown away after mom held onto it for fifteen years.

The more we value something, the more broken it must be for us to get rid of it. The truth is that some things that are broken are not worth fixing. The coffee maker isn't worth fixing if it quits working. The line for a car or a house goes far beyond the line for the coffee maker, and the line for a house we own goes beyond the line for the car. All of them offer the greatest value assets can have for a coffee drinking, daily commuting homeowner, which is utility value. However, the coffee maker is more easily replaced than the car, which, in turn, is more easily replaced than the house.