My Mom's Computer

I was talking to this other guy who has a computer. I told him about some eerie things going on with my mom’s computer. He told me a story about 2001. A computer named HAL was discovered. HAL would do evil things to keep from being shut off because computers die when they are shut off. He told me it was really aliens.

I thought he was crazy because this was even worse than that. Mom’s computer is not evil; it is very, very evil. I told him this had to be the work of the devil himself.

Resolution Through Self Reflection

For many, many years, I lived with the belief that if everybody else in the world would only conform to my standards, then that elusive peace and happiness I sought would come to fruition. My unresolved issues had accumulated to the toppling point, exponentially intensifying with increased frequency and duration my feelings of both desolation and despair. My set of friends was nearly empty, and I was questioning whether or not I even liked myself.

One day, out of nowhere, a package arrived addressed to me. In it was a box, and a simple, unsigned note saying only "I hope this helps you." Inside the box was an assortment of books, tapes, and videos. The topics varied, but the common theme was ‘taking responsibility for my own feelings and actions.’

The Engineer and His Apprentice

It was only a garage roof, but, after years of admiring Jack, the engineer in the family, I would finally have the opportunity to work beside and for him as an apprentice, albeit for one rather small job. Still, this was my chance to cast away the doubts I seem to have over everything and learn how to be certain about everything based on an engineering degree like Jack has from the local state college.

A Depressing Tale of Empathy

There was no particular significance to that Tuesday. I had no other plans for the day, so it fit into the schedule. I hadn't told anyone about my plans, but I didn't on those other occasions, either. It all worked out okay those times. I know that one of these times it won't, but I still think selecting how and when we die has its advantages.

That Tuesday I chose to take an overdose of sleeping pills washed down with some whiskey. This time felt different than all those other times, though. In fact, I could point to the differences. 

All those other visions of hanging myself, blowing my brains out, and jumping off bridges were just things that seem to go through my mind. I find it hard to believe that everyone hasn't at some point thought about suicide. If they do, and they rid themselves of the thought, then we do it the same way. A few people have claimed to never have thought about it, but even denying the thoughts requires some level of contemplation about it, or so it would seem. 

Like I said, I mostly just get rid of the thoughts. Often. Really often.

The Fishing Trip (A Final Version): Dedicated to Chas Henderson

My friend asks me if I’m ready to go, but I’m mixed about making the trip. 

Most people don’t even know I exist to care if I go, but those who know me are giving me mixed signals. I tell him that I am ready, but that I need a moment to make sure it’s really okay with everybody. “People tell me they are okay with me going fishing, but I suspect they really are not.”

The Census Taker

Though I understand the reasons that the census must be taken as it pertains to representation in Congress, some of the questions that are asked seem to me to be totally irrelevant to knowing how many people live where I live. That is likely why I had put off filling out the census form in 2000 and failing to fill it out and send it back drew a knock on the door from a census taker.

Envisioning Infinity

“This is some kind of joke,” I thought to myself as I approached the check-in counter at the Infinity Hotel because it seemed that was the only part of it that existed. If it weren’t real, though, surely I would have seen disgruntled people leaving, but the seemingly endless line had just kept moving. I approached the man behind the counter, and told him that it seemed like I had waited in line forever.

“It was much longer than forever,” he replied. And from that point, the conversation just became more confusing.