The Family Finale

This was originally published on May 14, 2020.

* * * * *

One of the things that Dad was most proud of showing off to people was how quickly he could muster the family to gather. He has been dead now for nearly twenty-eight years, and so has the family unity that died with him. It didn't have to die, but it did.

I think the erosion of the family was mostly due to regret. I cannot get into the heads of people, but I can listen to what they say and observe what they do to figure out if they are being honest. If they say one thing, and then do another thing, they aren't being honest. It isn't rocket science; it's human behavior. Actions generally reveal more about people's motives than do words.

Remembering Dad: His Newsletter Obituary

December 1992 
Issue 237 

WAYNE C. KOECKE 
1932-1992

With much of his family and several friends at his side, Wayne Koecke died at his home on December 16th. His vigil for life, and battle against cancer, ended on a snowy evening in a room by a window that several of his grandkids had built a snowman just outside of in hopes of raising his spirits just one more time. Somehow, we think it did. 

Remembering Dad: Thirty Years Ago Tonight

This was originally written on December 16, 2022.

* * * * * 

It was a snowy Wednesday evening when Dad took his last breath thirty years ago tonight. Though it was the most significant loss I had suffered in my first thirty-four years, my initial feeling was relief. We had pulled off Dad's wishes despite it being a harrowing six weeks since he suffered the stroke that really was the lung cancer metastasizing in his brain. He wanted to die at home, and he did.

It was my night to stay with him and my brother's night off. Our godfather, Loren, and godbrother, Tim, also rotated staying with us. There is no way that we could have pulled it off without them, and neither of them ever complained about the help he needed. After all, he was their loved one, also. 

Remembering Elliana: Elliana Tapia (2005-2023)

With tremendous sadness, the family of Elliana Tapia announces that she passed away on July 18, 2023.

Elliana was born on July 28, 2005. She was the first child for both of her parents. She was the first grandchild of some of her grandparents. She made her mother’s sister an Auntie for the first time.

We all loved and adored her antics and her huge personality. She was creative and artistic. She loved music, makeup, animals, the ocean, the mountains, cooking, and hanging out with her friends. She was beautiful, loving, and full of wonder and mischief! We could not imagine life without her!

Remembering Elliana: Thinking About the Day She Died

As I try to reconcile my granddaughter's death on July 18th, the relationship to so many things come to mind as I think about the things we did and said on the day she died.

Her birthday and mine are exactly six months apart. She liked to ask me how old I would be when she turned a certain age. She would have turned eighteen years old ten days after she died. I will likely be sixty-five-and-a-half years old that day. 

Candace, Erin, and Elliana were all told as small children that I would be their best friend until they found best friends their ages. Candace and Erin found their best friends in elementary school. Elliana loved hanging out with me well into her teen years. She was my travel buddy, she was my biker babe, she was my best friend, and she was my equal-opposite.

Elaine Hancock: My Perfect Godmother Died Last Night

Elaine Hancock, my beautiful, sweet, and loving godmother, died last night. She was a gentle and kind lady who always went out of her way to believe the best about other people. She honestly prayed for people to accomplish great things and to overcome great obstacles. If she had her way, everyone would win and everyone would care about other people. She was an ally to those who needed someone to care. 

Her life was not problem free, but she never allowed her problems to change how she felt about love, her family, or God. She was as steadfast in her love for her family and friends as she was devoted to God. She loved Christian fellowship whether it was a gathering for a special event or being the church mom at Loren's church in Larchmont. She never condemned people for having problems. She didn't talk bad about people. She shed tears and prayed for them.

Jezebel (2013-2022)

I have never had a pet who loved me as much as Jezebel loved me. We saw her at the Humane Society when we were there looking for Mr. Grumpy, who had disappeared a week earlier. She was about a year old and had a deformed bottom jaw. She was an unlikely candidate for adoption because of her jaw, but she was obviously sweet and affectionate. 

We brought her home the day before Mr. Grumpy showed up from his week-long hiatus. Along with Prancer, we then had three cats. They got along well with Prancer recognized as the elder and Jezebel acting as a benevolent guardian, a role fitted to her because of how large she was. Grumpy never challenged either of them, accepting his role as the clumsy little brother.

Charlie Cakes (2013-2022)

I didn't know Charlie for the first couple years of his life. He was found in Hawaii by my daughter who was stationed there. She found him along with three of his siblings after their feral mom had been hit by a car. She got three of the four to the point they could eat on their own. She gave away one of the survivors.

She originally planned on also giving Charlie away and keeping only Zeppelin. However, he endeared himself so much to her that she changed plans, and I ended up with my two oldest grandkittens.

Remembering Mom: If Her Services Had Been About Her

Mom was entombed yesterday. Her service was a lovely sermon that she would likely have despised. It isn't that the minister wasn't eloquent. It was that he talked too much about religion and got too many things about her incorrect.

To be fair, the job of speaking at her service was offered to me before the minister was hired. I declined. I had the experience speaking at Dad's service. Besides not having practiced public speaking for almost two decades, Mom never asked me to do her service. Dad did. There were points during his service that, if I had broken down, I probably could not have recovered. I was practiced in those days. To that end, it is as much my fault as anyone else's that Mom's services turned into a sermon like at a church service.

Yvonne Koecke (1935-2020): Third Eerie Premonition About Death Came True

Mom told me that she didn't fear death; she feared the mode of death. When she explained the difference, it didn't have anything to do with her cause of death. It had to do with the third of her three eerie premonitions that came true. I'll get back to that.

Mom was born on May 31st, 1935, in Leith, North Dakota. Her parents, Roy "Clair" and Dorothy Kamrath packed everything up that July and moved to Oregon with their oldest child. 

She told us tales about growing up in the logging camps, and various homes and farms, as her father moved the family seeking regular work during the Great Depression. The family would grow with Clarence, Bill, and Eileen added to the pack. Pa, as we used to call him, found regular employment with Oregon State College in Corvallis, and the family settled into its permanent home.

Ms. Woodstock: An Apathon Legend

Her name was Tauni Stone, but we all knew her as Ms. Woodstock on the Seattle Apathons bulletin board. She took the name because she lived in upper-New York, not too far from Max Yasgur's farm where the famous concert took place. It was an appropriate name for her. She related well to the hippie movement, even if she really was a bit too young to have participated. That was the case for most of us Apathons.

She was open about her battle with multiple sclerosis. She and fellow Apathon, Alizarinred, taught many of us about the struggles posed by the disease through their regular chats about the topic. They talked about the side effects of some of the medications and the pain they suffered on the bad days. They talked of trying to lead normal lives, but we all saw them as extraordinary people.

Cousin Lee Died Today

Mom called this morning to tell me that my cousin Lee lost his battle with cancer today. He was 61, and about six months younger than me. That made him and his twin Lyle the cousins who were the closest in age to me.

Lee's father, Garth, was the brother of my father, Wayne. They lived on five acres not too far from Rogers High School. It was always cool going out to Uncle Garth and Aunt Dellora's home. There were farm animals, abandoned cars, and even a part-time swamp way in the back. We were allowed to roam. I have no idea what our parents thought we were doing, but they would not have approved of much of what we actually did!

The Fishing Trip (A Final Version): Dedicated to Chas Henderson

My friend asks me if I’m ready to go, but I’m mixed about making the trip. 

Most people don’t even know I exist to care if I go, but those who know me are giving me mixed signals. I tell him that I am ready, but that I need a moment to make sure it’s really okay with everybody. “People tell me they are okay with me going fishing, but I suspect they really are not.”

Mr. Grumpy (2014-2019)

Mr. Grumpy was found dead at the age of five in the front yard on the evening of October 10th.

Grumps was rehomed in 2014 when he was about six months old from a lady who was unable to keep him. It took a while for him to lose his edginess around people, but he was quite the charmer once he did! He went from hiding in a closet all day to the cat who would come regardless of which cat you called. Sometimes he would amble up just to make sure you knew he was available to pet.

Prancer (2001-2019)

On the afternoon of August 10th, a car pulled into the driveway. Unfortunately, Prancer had found a piece of ground to sun upon in the tire tracks of the driveway, and the visitor who pulled in did not see her. Her death was immediate.

David Bowie: 1947 to ∞ in 2016

I didn’t want to believe the news was possible. He should have been one of the immortals.

I awoke this Monday, and it apparently is more than a bad dream. News outlets are still reporting this morning that David Bowie died yesterday.

It just seems so surreal.

With some musical artists, it is difficult to pick a favorite song to remember them by upon their deaths. Bowie was such a master of transformation, it is almost impossible to pick a favorite phase of his career. From his first hit in the '60s, Spacey Oddity, he never relented, releasing Blackstar on his 69th birthday, just two days before his death.

In Memory of Dick Jordan

My daughters think I’m a terrific dad. I know this because they tell me so.

This wasn’t an accident. It was learned.

One of my teachers was a man I met when I coached his daughter’s little league softball team. His name was Dick Jordan. Dick died Tuesday.

Dana Was Never Late

Dana was never late. If he was not on time, he was early, but let me digress a bit.

Though we had known each other for some time in junior high school, it wasn’t until high school that we became friends. I would pick up Blaine and Hazel each morning before school. When Dana wrecked his old Cougar in spectacular fashion, he accepted my offer to pick him up, also. This went on for some time until he got a Volkswagen rebuilt and began driving himself again.

Dana was grateful for the rides, and we were friends from then until the day he died in September 2006.