Resolution Through Self Reflection

For many, many years, I lived with the belief that if everybody else in the world would only conform to my standards, then that elusive peace and happiness I sought would come to fruition. My unresolved issues had accumulated to the toppling point, exponentially intensifying with increased frequency and duration my feelings of both desolation and despair. My set of friends was nearly empty, and I was questioning whether or not I even liked myself.

One day, out of nowhere, a package arrived addressed to me. In it was a box, and a simple, unsigned note saying only "I hope this helps you." Inside the box was an assortment of books, tapes, and videos. The topics varied, but the common theme was ‘taking responsibility for my own feelings and actions.’

Remembering Dad: The Day May Got Him

Dad loved his family and his friends. He would go out of his way to help them on a moment’s notice. He also loved practical jokes and Sears, and May took advantage of all that this day.

May showed up at the office unexpectedly one day. She was always welcome, but this day she seemed to have a reason. She appeared agitated, so Dad invited her into his office to vent a bit.

"I’m so upset with Sears," she told him.

He assured her that Sears always makes good on any customer complaint, and always honors its warranties.

From Hell to Purgatory: A Poem for the Children

I wrote this poem on November 17, 2012. 

That was when the bickering between the parties was over whether the children of people fleeing the danger in their homelands to come to the USA to find refuge get to stay, or if they have to go back to places they've never been to.

It seemed like a simple thing for me to resolve. Of course, children are not responsible for the crimes their parents commit, but something else was going on in society. People were actually arguing over whether it was sound immigration policy to let the children stay and become American citizens or to boot them out and not care about them. 

It did not seem to matter to many of these people that these innocent children have grown up to be some of America's finest citizens. They didn't even care that if those rules applied when their ancestors were leaving their native homelands that they, too, would be subjects of the discussion. 

After a while, I went off and wrote this poem, wishing we could just kick out a racist citizen every time one of the children needs citizenship, and we just have no room here to say, you are my child. Wherever I am, you have shelter and food while your parents build a better life for you. 

* * *

Welcome to My Nightmare

This is a re-release of a post that I wrote on February 4, 2009. People ask me how I do what I do. I study. Other than that, I have no idea. 

I believe that other people have that capability, but, alas, I wonder why people don't exercise their minds, perhaps similar to the puzzlement Bertrand Russell pondered when he asked the rhetorical question, "Why repeat the old errors, if there are so many new errors to commit?" 

People who tell me that I study too much, and who also are in awe of what I can do, have a reconciliation problem. Those are diametrically opposed statements. 

If you don't know what that means, look it up. After all, that is what I would do.

* * *

Racism is Killing Us. Stop it now!! - Do You See It?

I wrote this poem on November 4, 2007. 

I have made it more aesthetically pleasing to myself, and it is ready for its re-release.

This is an important lesson for everyone, but especially for young people. 

As Mrs. Tannar, aka SyMone Nelson, said, "I think it's a good sign that our young thinkers are beginning to realize the power of their unified votes! You go guys!"

Remembering Dad: His Camera Collection

I remember the trips to Goodwill when I was a child. I always tried to sit in the center of the front bench seat when we would make the trip in his 1962 Pontiac Safari wagon. It had a type of stick shift that was known as three-on-the-tree, which meant that the three-speed transmission was shifted with a lever that came out of the steering column. I wanted that seat because Dad would let me shift the gears during the trip there and back. We would be going to Goodwill for two things: books and cameras. 

Dad bought thousands of non-fiction books over the years and built quite a library where he could slip away to read a twenty-nine-cent book about a WWII battle written by somebody who was there.

However, it wasn't the shelves and shelves of books in his library that would catch your eye. It was his display of the several hundred cameras he salvaged from the as-is bin of old cameras, most of which he paid less than a dollar for and still worked. He took great pride in his collection that he showed frequently to friends and family, especially if he wanted them to see cameras that he may have paid two or three dollars for since they last saw it.

A New Day Dawns

It is about ten minutes to two in the morning. I have had a bit over five hours of continuous sleep and feel rested now. 

I think the thing I like best about retirement is that I can sleep when I am tired. I am not a person who is devoted to routines. I think of my daily chores and desires as processes. I believe major projects should be broken down into minor tasks. If you accomplish a task or two toward completing the project, you've gotten closer to your objective without burning yourself out.

This is especially important for people who display a lot of empathy. Empaths are easy to take advantage of, and, because of their caring second nature, they have difficulty expressing their own feelings, if it is at the expense of hurting someone else's feelings.

I am Creating the Wayne Koecke Memorial Camera Collection

No one will ever know the truth about why Mom chose to hoard everything, which led to a huge mess to deal with when the time inevitably came to deal with things. I understood the sentimental value that Mom placed on Dad's camera collection, but I never understood why I was the only person in the family who placed a value higher than sentiment on the collection.

Dad's collection included two-to-three hundred cameras that he would pick up at Goodwill and other sources. It seemed to me that the best way to honor Dad was to loan or donate some of the best cameras to museums and to put some in displays where he was known. 

What happened was the collection remained in Dad's library room, where it collected a lot of dust. 

THE PUNCH!

Erin would never back down from a fight, which meant that she was suspended for fighting periodically throughout her school years. I would have to go to the school to get her, and I was able to talk the principal out of suspension a time or two because she was defending herself.

For a time in middle school, I suspected that she was getting suspended on purpose to get a few days off. I warned her that I would take swift action if I felt she was doing that. 

Solid Gold Sisters (Video)

Elliana always wanted to hang out with Gemma. 

She loves her little sister to this day, because love transcends life and death! 

We all still love Elliana, and Elliana still loves all of us!

Solid Gold Sisters

Video by Tom Koecke in memory of

Elliana Tapia (2005-2023)

Click this to check out other videos on my YouTube channel.

Remembering Elliana: Elliana Tapia (2005-2023)

With tremendous sadness, the family of Elliana Tapia announces that she passed away on July 18, 2023.

Elliana was born on July 28, 2005. She was the first child for both of her parents. She was the first grandchild of some of her grandparents. She made her mother’s sister an Auntie for the first time.

We all loved and adored her antics and her huge personality. She was creative and artistic. She loved music, makeup, animals, the ocean, the mountains, cooking, and hanging out with her friends. She was beautiful, loving, and full of wonder and mischief! We could not imagine life without her!

Remembering Elliana: Thinking About the Day She Died

As I try to reconcile my granddaughter's death on July 18th, the relationship to so many things come to mind as I think about the things we did and said on the day she died.

Her birthday and mine are exactly six months apart. She liked to ask me how old I would be when she turned a certain age. She would have turned eighteen years old ten days after she died. I will likely be sixty-five-and-a-half years old that day. 

Candace, Erin, and Elliana were all told as small children that I would be their best friend until they found best friends their ages. Candace and Erin found their best friends in elementary school. Elliana loved hanging out with me well into her teen years. She was my travel buddy, she was my biker babe, she was my best friend, and she was my equal-opposite.

My Diabetes Update, or "That's a Good Question; We Don't Know"

I received good news and bad news about my diabetes about three weeks ago. The good news is that I don't have diabetes. My blood sugar is actually in good shape after they put a stent into a bile duct that was blocked. I don't have diabetes at all. 

However, the bad news is that my bile duct was closed because of cancer. I met with the oncologists for the first time today. What I learned is that it is pancreatic cancer that has metastasized to my liver. Because it is that advanced, it is deemed to be stage four cancer. 

The questions the doctors asked were more about the quality of my life today, whether or not I am in severe pain, and to tell me there are two treatment options that often work to at least slow the growth and spreading of the cancer. In the best case, the treatment will stop the spreading, and the cancerous growth may shrink. However, they would expect that it will eventually come back even in the best-case scenario. 

My Projects as a Butterfly

Butterflies make the world just a bit nicer while they flutter around our yards and gardens. The results are not immediate, except for the beauty they bring to our views just by being what they are.

My first project as a butterfly was to paint the interior of the house. It is an arduous process because it had to be done while maintaining the house as living space. The change brought new colors to the walls, and it also inspired others to pitch in to improve the living conditions here at home. For example, doing the dishes every morning was a task that I did for the most part. It was just the way it worked out. 

The most difficult part was convincing people to rinse their dishes and stack them next to the sink rather than to pile unrinsed dishes on top of other unrinsed dishes in the sink. One roommate graciously complied. Another roommate required me to put the dishes in front of his door with a note reminding him of my request. A former roommate got told on the fifth time that I would be asking Bryan to evict him, but he moved out voluntarily before that.

You Don't Know Me Better than I Know Myself

Whether you are a friend who has smoked pot and bullshitted with me for a couple of decades, or a cousin who has known me for sixty-five years but hung out with me about ten times over that span, you don't know me better than I know myself. Neither do my siblings and other relatives, my longtime friends, or even you know me better than I know myself.

I am nowhere near perfect, and I am aware of more flaws in myself than you are. However, I am always willing to listen to another person's opinion about a behavior of mine that bothers them. That does not mean that I will change that behavior for them. Sometimes, it is better for me to explain why I do that or did that, and, if they cannot accept my reasoning, move on from the relationship. Such is the case in the relationships with my friend and my cousin.