However, the bad news is that my bile duct was closed because of cancer. I met with the oncologists for the first time today. What I learned is that it is pancreatic cancer that has metastasized to my liver. Because it is that advanced, it is deemed to be stage four cancer.
The questions the doctors asked were more about the quality of my life today, whether or not I am in severe pain, and to tell me there are two treatment options that often work to at least slow the growth and spreading of the cancer. In the best case, the treatment will stop the spreading, and the cancerous growth may shrink. However, they would expect that it will eventually come back even in the best-case scenario.
I asked if I have weeks or months or years. I was told that it was a good question and that they don't know. My chances of extending my life are best if I go through treatment, so I opted for treatment today. That will begin in a week or ten days, and perhaps as late as two weeks. I asked why the uncertainty. I was told that it was a good question, and they don't know why. However, the reason they don't know is because the treatment will be delivered in a different department, and they don't know the scheduling.
They asked if I had any other questions. I asked if they thought there was a good chance of the chemo treatment at least prolonging what life I have left to live. I was told that it was a good question, and they don't know. They will know if my cancer is responding to the treatment after I get a treatment and they see how I respond to it.
That was enough of the questions I had for them.
Candace and Gemma went with me. Gemma was starving but I needed to have a blood draw for the doctors. We stopped by the vending machine so she could get some candy to tide her over until we could get to Kent so we could eat at Dick's Drive In. She said everything was delicious!
That pleases me because part of my job as her papa is to spoil her rotten as we build precious memories for her by spending quality time with her. I will be doing that which pleases me for the rest of my life because it is all about me from here on out!
I am not looking for a support network. I have tremendous support. I am not looking to mend fences with people who regret how our relationships are today. If unkind words were spoken the last time we spoke, please do not reach out to me now with regret.
Whenever I have been asked how I am, I have always answered that I will be well on my deathbed because that is how I live my life. Apparently, we will find out if that is true sooner rather than later.
My efforts on making things better for others in small ways has inspired some people to make decisions to make their own lives better through small improvements. For some reason, I have been able to turn some of my talents and possessions into better lives for some of my friends and family! Seriously, I have not been happier with the results of my efforts than since I learned I am likely dying, and, except for the cancer, I am the healthiest I have been in twenty years.
I will be making time to meet with people who I have known over the years who have not ended our relationships, but it will be on my terms because, as I said before, it is all about me for the rest of my life!
So long for now. I have things I need to do, and then I have things that I want to do. If you don't understand why, I suggest that you start by reading Understanding Behavioral Economics!
