I am nowhere near perfect, and I am aware of more flaws in myself than you are. However, I am always willing to listen to another person's opinion about a behavior of mine that bothers them. That does not mean that I will change that behavior for them. Sometimes, it is better for me to explain why I do that or did that, and, if they cannot accept my reasoning, move on from the relationship. Such is the case in the relationships with my friend and my cousin.
It seems that conflicts of this nature can be reduced to the difference of emphasis each of us places on popularity. Both of them are good people, as I believe myself to be. Everyone who knows them can see that they have possessions that are signs of achievements and that make them happy. However, for them to expect envy from me, or anyone else, because of what they have is egomaniacal on their parts. I wouldn't give up what is important to me to have what they have. I accept them for who they are, but I will not accept their beliefs over my own in order to be popular with them.
They will claim that if I learned from them that I could have what they have. It is a presumption on their parts if they think I did not learn from them. I am always learning.
What I learned from my cousin is that I would not trade what he has for all the collateral damage he has caused in his personal relationships, which includes his relationship with me. What I learned from my friend is that I would not trade what he has for the physical damage he has caused himself and the self-delusion that people should want to be just like him.
When I told them that contentment is more important to me than possessions, they tried to explain contentment through possessions to me rather than listening to what contentment means to me, let alone consider its dictionary definition. They both then posed ultimatums that were ridiculous when considered objectively. Both ultimatums were about me respecting their opinions above my own despite me pointing out disagreements in the premises of their opinions. Any conclusion based upon a flawed premise is itself flawed. That's how logic works.
I don't want it explained to me how an ultimatum is not an abuse of binary by limiting options to "one or the other" rather than using it properly to eliminate impossibilities. It's okay if you don't understand that, and it's also okay if you better understand one of the behavioral results of abusing binary for having read that. We can talk about it so we each better understand the other person, but if you require me to not understand something the same way you don't understand it, we will have reached an impasse.
I have considered myself a consumer-advocating, underdog-supporting iconoclast for most of my life. People who see me as liberal likely have conservative biases. Those who have liberal biases often mistake me as conservative. It has to do with that abuse-of-binary thing, again. I have always been more of a feminist than my mom, sisters, and ex-wife. I am more like my children in that way. My children have learned from me, and I am always learning from them.
I have no relationship with my siblings because they believed they knew me better than I know myself. They cannot reconcile their beliefs that I was leaching off and stealing from my mom with the reality that I was the only one of us that tried to get that situation resolved. They never confronted me as I would have confronted them if they were doing it. Instead, they took the positions that I should have been grateful, despite that I told them what I was doing and why I was doing it. I was the only one who offered to put it all on the table, but, for some reason, trying to resolve it was really suspicious to them because no one in the family had tried to resolve problems since Dad had died.
I know what my motives are and were. I know what contentment means to me. I have documented my thoughts for most of my life. I don't impose my will upon others, but I do not allow others to impose their wills upon me. I will always consider other points of view, but I will not accept fiction as fact in order to keep peace. I don't care about popularity when it comes at the expense of responsibility.
I just know those things about myself even if you don't know those things about me.
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Other articles about self-awareness:
Self Image: What It Is and How to Change It
When Discussing Topics, Raise Logical Arguments, Not Voices
I Want to be a Butterfly
If Things are Different, What Changed?
Losing a Friend Over a Premise and Projection
Lying, Sabotaging, and Communicating Passive Aggressively, or How the Family Came Unglued
Plato's Allegory of the Cave Applies to Everyone
The Family Finale
The Problem with Knowing It All
Welcome to My Nightmare
