I Want to be a Butterfly

Though butterflies are not as essential to sustaining life as are worms, flies, and bees, they represent transformation into something that is beautiful while fulfilling its ultimate purpose as it flutters and flits for the rest of its life. 

The transformation requires great effort on the part of the butterfly. It struggles so greatly to emerge from its chrysalis that its first few hours are spent recovering. 

During the time immediately following its emergence, it is little more than easy prey for things that will eat it up. Butterflies that survive the period of vulnerability provide beauty for those that see them, and the seeds for growth for the new life that blossoms just because the butterfly was once there. 

I'm On My Way to Wound Care

I was recently diagnosed as diabetic. Type II diabetes runs in my family. However, my predisposition to the disease is not because of genetically deficient pancreas in both family lines. The predisposition toward diabetes that I inherited from my parents is obesity. 

I can't do anything about the predisposition toward obesity, but I can control my diet and try to keep my weight down. I have lost 25 pounds since I was diagnosed with diabetes shortly before Christmas. When my doctor sees my weight, he may even congratulate me for going from morbidly obese to just really fat, but he will let me know that I have more weight to lose.

Dealing with Diabetes

My doctor warned me several years ago to watch my weight and diet because I was edging toward diabetes. I heeded his warning and got my A1C level under control by losing weight via a high protein, low carb diet. That was then.

As I suffered setbacks in my mental health, my attitude toward my physical health declined. It may have been consequential. It had to do with finding comfort by eating foods that were not on my diet. Potatoes and breads started working their way back into my diet. Desserts became more regular. Sugary snacks between meals also became more frequent. Finding something to eat or snack on became something to do. 

I don't know how much of neglecting my diet was part of prioritizing my care for others ahead of my own needs, but, regardless, I have crossed the line from pre-diabetic in July to diabetic in December. I may be able to reverse the diagnosis by putting my own needs first, but, until I do, I am measuring my glucose levels three times a day and taking Metformin twice a day. 

Starting a Tradition of Self Care

Though I love the spirit of Dickens, I say bah, humbug to most holidays. It isn't because of an admiration for Scrooge that I utter the words he is famous for saying. In fact, I relate to Bob Cratchit more than I relate to Scrooge. Cratchit wasn't happy to be at home with his family because it was Christmas. He was always happy to be at home with his family even though his family had its problems. The family's biggest problem was a child with an incurable disease that would shorten his life.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. It was the first one that I remember that I did what I wanted to do, which was to stay home, do some daily living, and watch football. I talked to both of my daughters on the phone to wish them happiness for the day, but I didn't go to the family function they both try to attend. Instead, I did what I wanted to do. It is part of what I must do to deal with my own healing, and it will be my new tradition for holidays.