As I suffered setbacks in my mental health, my attitude toward my physical health declined. It may have been consequential. It had to do with finding comfort by eating foods that were not on my diet. Potatoes and breads started working their way back into my diet. Desserts became more regular. Sugary snacks between meals also became more frequent. Finding something to eat or snack on became something to do.
I don't know how much of neglecting my diet was part of prioritizing my care for others ahead of my own needs, but, regardless, I have crossed the line from pre-diabetic in July to diabetic in December. I may be able to reverse the diagnosis by putting my own needs first, but, until I do, I am measuring my glucose levels three times a day and taking Metformin twice a day.
My doctor wanted me to get back in with the behavioral psychologists who deal with diet and exercise, but I don't want to deal with them. If I accept the referral, I will be required to attend zoom meetings so one set of psychologists can tell me that cauliflower is healthier than potatoes, while the exercise psychologists tell me that I need to be more active. I know both are true. I also know that the key to changing my behavior is to make different decisions.
I also believe that medicines I was on that had the side effect of making me want to sleep and to not care about things had more to do with me sleeping and not caring than my general attitude did. I told both my doctor and my psychiatrist that I had no intention of pushing past the side effects of medicine that was treating me for something I didn't have. I am now off those medications, and I feel much more like I did when was active and taking control of my diet.
I was surprised at how much my A1C level rose in six months, but I shouldn't have been. The combination of the medication that made me tired all the time, and dealing with problems other people were bringing into my life because of their poor decisions, had left me such that I neglected many of my own problems. I am now off those medications. I am now accepting the truth that I cannot change the behavior of other people. The only behavior that is within my control to change is my own.
I am not looking for medical advice. I get medical advice from my doctors. I am not asking for advice on programs that might work. My health care provider offers those. I need to be accountable to myself and those who are working with me on this. However, feel free to root for me, pray for me, send good vibes my way, or to send whatever wishes you have for me.
The rest of it is up to me to resolve.
