I will end the post with a song about identity theft. Before that, there will be a song about shoplifting. I'll begin by one of the most common types of theft, and one that costs businesses money every day: employee theft.
One Piece at a Time by Johnny Cash
One of the subplots of the Superman movie was concocted by the character played by Richard Pryor. He discovers that if he takes the portions of pennies that result from calculations that don't divide evenly, the total amount was significant. Even though it is more likely some pens or some post-it notes that get taken in real life, it is the small things that add up to large amounts.
Adding it all together is the plot of this song about a Cadillac factory worker who devises a plot to steal an entire car.
One day I devised myself a plan
That should be the envy of most any man
I'd sneak it out of there in a lunchbox in my hand
Now getting caught meant getting fired
But I figured I'd have it all by the time I retired
I'd have me a car worth at least a hundred grand
I'd get it one piece at a time
And it wouldn't cost me a dime
This plan begins in 1949, and, at some point in the 1970s, it is time to put the part together. However, they run into a few problems.
The transmission was a '53
And the motor turned out to be a '73
And when we tried to put in the bolts
All the holes were gone
There are some other noticeable things different about this vehicle.
Now the headlights were another sight
We had two on the left and one on the right
So, what did he end up with? I'll just let him tell you!
Peanut Butter Conspiracy by Jimmy Buffett
This is a song about shoplifting for survival. It tells the tale of life as a young musician working in the bars and barely making enough money to pay for all the pot they were smoking. This meant they had to devise a plan to get food.
Who's gonna steal the peanut butter
I'll get the can of sardines
Running up and down the aisle of the mini-mart
Sticking food in our jeans
Now, they never took more than they needed, and they always left enough behind for people who wanted to buy some of those things. Besides, they had a plan to make good for shoplifting all the food.
We all swore if we ever got rich
We would pay the mini-mart back
Yes sir! Yes sir!
We would pay the mini-mart back
While reminiscing back on those days, recalling how they stole food for survival was one thing. Another thing was remembering why they needed to shoplift and how fickle the entertainment industry is.
I guess every good picker has had some hard times
I sure had my share
It's really kinda funny to laugh at them now
But I don't want to go back there
So every now and then when I'm in the grocery
I'll take a little but not much
You never know when those hard times'll hitcha
And I don't want to lose my touch
Sunspot Baby by Bob Seger
This poor guy sure hooked up with the wrong lady! Not only did she up and leave him, she took his identity with her.
She packed up her bags and she took off down the road
Left me here stranded with the bills she owed
She gave me a false address
Took off with my American Express
Sunspot baby
She sure had me way outguessed
Anyone who has had their identity stolen knows that it can be complicated to repair the damage. It can also be difficult to locate the culprit.
I looked in Miami
I looked in Negril
The closest I came was a month-old bill
I checked the Bahamas and they said she was gone
I can't understand why she did me so wrong
Oh well, let's let Bob Seger tell the story himself.
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Here are other posts in the series:
