Goldwing Tom dot com: Three Seriously Stupid Serious Songs, part one

Though music is generally entertainment, it is also a means through which an artist can convey messages of inspiration, philosophy, or altruism. Certainly, there are songs which, by design, are just for fun. For example, Alan Sherman's Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah was intended to be funny.

Therefore, it does not qualify for this series of articles, which is to identify stupid songs that are intended to be serious. The song must also have achieved some level of radio play, so the song my friend Hutch wrote when he was twelve titled, I have an Old Automobile also does not qualify.

Since these songs were oft played, you may find, as I do, that you like some of them, if not most of them. My selection has nothing to do with these songs being terrible, but, rather, with the lyrics being seriously stupid and serious.

After giving it some thought, I decided to limit each article to only three seriously stupid serious songs so that the article remains readable, and so that you can finish it with some intellect intact. Also by limiting it to three songs, there is the possibility for about fifty-seven thousand articles!

So let us begin with songs about a person our parents warned us about, a runaway horse, and soggy baked goods.

Stalker or a Child Molester?

I suppose that if someone tried to lure a woman child into something as uncool in 1970 as a sedan, a black one was as good as any other. By then, though, our parents had already told us not to talk to, or take candy from, strangers.

Nonetheless, the song is about trying to violate those lessons as a "friendly stranger" luring a woman, perhaps a child, with the promise of pictures and candy for the purpose of love. Yeah, sure.

Here are The Ides of March doing Vehicle, a song I love but is seriously stupid upon review:

Dying for a Horse

The first quesion not answered in the song is whether she notices her horse is missing when it is only a killer frost or did she go out in a full-blown blizzard and check on him? Unquestionably, it was bad judgment on her part to go searching for the horse without the proper apparel and gear.

The second question is why the horse would leave the shelter of a barn to run away regardless of which climactic event were occuring? I can understand a horse being spooked by a barn fire, but did this horse go to the barn door, see the frost or the blizzard, and think I must escape this sanctuary?

In the end, though, he's certain they both will take him away to that great grazing ground in the sky where sod-busting isn't a part of eternity.

Leaving these questions are Michael Martin Murphey with his beautiful ballad called Wildfire:

Mix Blue and Yellow and Follow the Recipe on the Box

What would the first installment of Seriously Stupid Serious Songs be if it didn't include what is likely the most seriously stupid serious song of all-time?

I don't know what they were doing in the park.

I don't see how they could be dancing with her yellow cotton dress foaming like a wave on the ground beneath his knees.

If he had her dress off, and was feeling her "birds" like babies, I don't know why they would do it in plain sight of the old man playing chinese checkers, apparently, by himself.

All these questions so seriously put forth without any consideration as to how seriously stupid this song would be.

Here is the lovely Donna Summer putting her disco spin on MacArthur Park, which was a huge hit for both her and Richard Harris